>PONDER a servant-covered SIN


Ya Allah…..

how his self-stigma, which is not grateful for Thy favors. I

frequently feel dissatisfied on Thy bounty. Though thy blessings can not

I counted. Ya Allah how I have wronged myself. How

I have been cultivating this disease in the chest. So far no

I realized that I had to sow the seeds of the disease in my heart.

I came into my soul now filled with stain and sin. Conscious or not

aware … every second, minute, hour or day I sow black stains.

Now I see my heart has been blackened. There are only a few white dots

disana.Ya Allah, is there from a white point that I could start

remove the black stains? Is there still a chance for me to

cleaning black ink that is flooding into my soul? Are you still

give time for me to multiply the points of bright white

in into my soul? Many questions and thoughts struggling in my soul.

Sometimes despair over, though later replaced by despair. Reparation

change comes hope and despair. I was adrift in the real

darkness, regret, anxiety and a variety of flavors that makes the liver

This is not peaceful. I cry at night the dark. Cry

remember sin and stain it. Crying because I have made black

itself into my soul. Crying because of stains and into my soul was full of sin.

Crying because I’ve been away from you, Ya Rabb .. Crying because

fear no more room for me to add bright spot in my heart.

Fear and worry a bright spot / white that just went missing the same small

once.Ya Allah, on this blessed night I pleaded with

regretfully forgiveness from you. Give me strength to be able to

Your reading the instructions, because I was just a weak man.

Give me the strength to take thy way. Servant conscious,

how heavy are you stocking exam to test your servant. Slave

aware, I have no power, then please servant in exams

that you provide. Give patience in the face of a very exam

this big. Exams are only a little of thy servant who graduated.

Make servant man belonging to the class of the few that …

Ya Allah….

How I look into my soul was full of black spot, I still

have a speck of light. I believe that you still

give a chance. During the life still in the body. As long as there

willingness. As long as there is faith. I’m sure you still give

opportunity.Ya Allah, on this bright night, I begged

This self make thy servant who is subject to you willingly. Give

servants the power to walk the streets You. Self is only being

weak, has no power except that You bestowed.

Minal Bismillahi Awwali wal End …..

Allaahumma shalli ‘ala Sayyidina Muhammad.  wa ‘ala alihi wabarik wa sallim adzhib hazana qalbiy fin-dunya wal-aakhirah ………….


IN Between the Signs of Death Heart, is “not a” sense of sadness, when a Servant had LOST opportunity to make obedient to Allah, and is also REGRET for the actions (negligence and disobedience) he had done …

His heart is where our faith reigns, where reward and Sin bet if the word Bimbo … Hence, the liver is the foundation to maintain our faith fort to always sturdy, stand up straight face all the exams, against all sorts of temptations of the world and Satan the accursed. That is why state of the heart of a believer is very important to note, because conditions are changing hearts will make faith a fall ride, in this case, the prophet of Allah said, “Named heart because he (always) Alternating air and forth. The parable of the heart is like a feather on the tops of trees swayed by the wind. “(Narrated by Ahmad)

Physical state or physical We also important to note, but do not then we forget about the heart condition, repair and maintain it well, because this heart condition is far more important. why? because our heart was the one who is always seen by Allah, “Know, verily, Allah does not regard your outward appearance. Note that Allah is your heart. “(Hadith)

Therefore, maintaining and managing heart, should become an important priority in life, as if the heart is like an iron, he will rust if not sharpened or longer or left alone. Heart is like plants that always should always be maintained and watered to keep growing, and if left it will wither and die. While humans are given His Heart That will keep surrounded by enemies in his travels while in the world. Lust anger that always leads to ruin, so too with lust and the devil is always accompanied and always ready to tease her at every opportunity. That’s human to want to keep him awake heart, always dhikr (remembering Allah) to fortify his heart is.

Why do dhikr? Dzikrullah or reproduce the remembrance of Allah, is a great worship that can be done anywhere, under any circumstances. Because, sometimes anxiety was also felt, although we are after prayers, Tadarus, or evening prayer, though well after that we dhikr. actually dhikr, remembrance of Allah is not limited only performed after the usual prayers as is generally done. Then after the prayer we forget the all-mighty God in turning the heart. Lost with his orders and then plunged into the valley of his ban. compulsory worship such as prayer and fasting, there is a place and time specific prohibitions, while the dhikr is not limited by place and time. Dhikr constantly remember Allah in all circumstances. Difficult and happy always include God in it, and certainly dhikr by including our hearts, not only in oral form.

In fact we are the lucky ones when guard our hearts from “heart death”, ‘And a lot was the remembrance of Allah that ye may obtain good luck. “(Al Anfaal: 45). In another verse Allah says, “And the men and women who called (name of) Allah, Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and great reward.” (Al Ahzab: 35).

Dhikr is life for the heart and toleration. By remembering Him, enough is Allah as our place to complain at times difficult and nice place to share our time. Any heavy load will be lighter when carried always remember God. Because should believe that Allah does not give trials that are beyond the ability of his servant. By getting heart dhikr Allah will make this heart feel safe from all forms of anxiety and evil creatures, and of course make our hearts as the king who control our minds, to be able to think and act by including the liver. the circumstances, sitting, standing or lying down though, remembrance of God is still to be done, “When a believer” go “to bed with GOD WHEREAS, really … Place of sleep to be” Allah Mosque. ” (Hasan Basri)

If we continue to remember him then our hearts will be overwhelmed by feelings of calm because everything that happens is the will of Almighty God upon his servants while our obligation is to undergo any will of God-given best. Remember always the words of Allah Almighty which means, “(They are) those who believe and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah. Remember only the remembrance of Allah is the heart becomes calm. (Ar Ra’du: 28)

Hopefully with this record, will always remind me to always keep the liver, when the fluctuation of faith, while trying to remain capable istiqomah, because a lot of found notes about the heart, but as much as anything that the theory is obtained, with no steps concrete and tangible actions reproduce remember God, then our science will only bear without bringing benefits to the self …

Do not Leave dhikr, because your heart is NOT face to God, it is more weight than the neglect of God but you still dhikr. And can you expect God will increase, from neglect to dhikr dhikr with knowingly, consciously of dhikr, increased to dhikr with Heart Overlooking. That is for God is not a difficult job.

Suddenly I was awakened by a high-pitched voice. The voice was echoing and extremely long, such as super jumbo blowing trumpets. I was so hard, the sound was like tearing my ear hole with the rough and make facial skin and chest shaking and numb. Although I closed my ears tightly possible, the sound was still penetrate and enter the recesses of my soul most deeply. As if all my limbs into the ear. Feeling the feet and hands to hear directly.

And my heart almost stopped when the sound off. Everything became very quiet and something like a buzzing in my ear. If only voice that sounds a bit long, I bet I would have lost the sense of hearing. What a powerful voice.

I immediately got up and watched the white desert expanse as large and even endless. Padang was filled with many people of all races. They do not dress as well as me. And suddenly the air is very hot weather ambushed and I see the sun so close to my head. My neck is almost melted. Then I saw a bunch of people who hover by flapping their wings. Malaikatkah it? I looked around in amazement, like a child who sees a set of expensive toys.

What is this place?


All the people there are as confused as I am. But a man who stood next to me said,

“This is the desert Mahsyar on the day of waiting as promised God,” he said.

Field Mahsyar? Why so fast? I still do not believe it. I think I’m not dead yet. I’ve never been seriously ill or dying. I have not felt in shalati and backfilled with soil. I have not left the mortal world. I have not witnessed the awesomeness of Judgement.

I’m not dead.

Without the command, everyone including me in the sleigh toward the direction that I do not know if it is west, east, south, or north. We walked slowly toward the brighter and hotter. A voice echoed that shouted. It seems it calls one by one the names of humans. I waited impatiently and stared at the other end, in a place like a ravine. The place is more radiant because there is a fierce flames behind the ravine.

“That’s a hell of a hot, down there,” he said earlier.

Hell? Suddenly, sweat pouring, grains of water forming around the face. If true these days in which human actions accounted for, mean apocalypse was already over. I was so scared. I dunno if I’ll go to heaven or hell. My thoughts go back to the mortal world. It’s hard to remember when in a tense situation like this. Oh yeah, I remember. I am a missionary activist. Every day was busy with religious affairs. Lecture here and there. give alms many. I never leave the obligatory prayer and fasting. I was a voluntary field. I used to be a priest in the large mosques. I respected the people. Of course I’m included among those who believe. Yes, I’m sure I’ll go to heaven.

‘Ya Allah, Most Gracious, put me into heaven with thee thy servants who believe,’ bhatinku hopefully.

I am more convinced that I would go to heaven when I see hordes of people whose head resembles the animal. Those who headed animal will surely lick fire in hell, while my face is still smooth shape of a human face. I thought I would go to heaven. Heaven. Heaven, where is he? I saw a door of a very large and luminous. The door was located across the ravine and kept a lot of angels with wings.

I think that the gates of heaven.

‘See, that’s heaven promised by God to His servants the righteous. Fragrance can kiss, vaguely. Could you be? “Said the man seemed to agree the contents of my mind.

I nodded enthusiastically.

Yes, that’s the door of heaven. Its heaven scent could kiss her in the middle of hell which prevents decay. I’m going to get there. But there was no bridges over the chasm which was hot and I was forbidden to go by an angel with wings a lot. That unites both sides of the chasm was just a string of something that is thinner than a hair, almost missed my eye. Yes, Shiratal Mustaqim. But how could I be walking on it? All of a sudden I saw a robed man walking calmly and gracefully. The angels hovering on both sides. Could it be the Messenger of Allah?

“Yes, the noble Prophet, upon him blessings and greetings. He was the one who first entered paradise, “said the man earlier.

I was amazed. All my life I dream to be able to meet with the Prophet.

‘O Messenger of Allah, turn is, ‘my heart.

I’m anxious to see the face of the Messenger even if only briefly. But he never looked the goods at all, kept walking and entered the gates of Heaven are high. In one after another by the noble people who have been told in history books are boring the Prophets, friends of the Apostle, and the mujahidin. They passed the bridge of hair so I called Shiratal Mustaqim with ease. There are some even ran like lightning, as if the hair bridge is a bridge that wide paved for them. I see the faces of the Syahidin in war-battle of Badr, Uhud, and others, entered the gates of heaven with a smile.

Queues crossing the bridge as the hair is endless. Now his situation is somewhat different. Some crawl, some as slowly as turtles, even a piece of string hanging from it. A bit painful to see people who do not successfully pass the bridge. They fall into hell and regret their cries echoed many times. Chilling my feet ..

Then I see the people who lived during with me. Yes, it’s Henderson. He fell with menggenaskan. Ah, hell deserve to be a place for her because the day-to-day that in doing just gamble. Then I saw hordes of singers who used to disturb me at a red light intersection. But the kids run around on Siratul Muttaqin and laughing into heaven.

My blood seemed to evaporate. Am I not more precious than the kids trash it? Did not I never complained during the sermon in the world? Is not I’m a ‘righteous’? Why are the children first go to heaven than I that a respected preacher and congregation?

There was something wrong I suppose. My moment later Tapi lihat sweeper who always membersihkan rumah sidewalk in front of me. Also beggar who every day visited my house. My housekeeper of the fools. Teaching children who teach me how to spell Qur’an. Few pilgrims mosque congregation has always been behind me in a small mosque near my house. There are also both my parents and my younger brother. They entered paradise with pleasure.

I became weak spot. No doubt many of my sins. How arrogant I thought it would go to heaven. How could I would go to heaven while with my own eyes I saw people that I think is despicable to enter paradise without hindrance?

Because I was so upset very long wait. Suddenly mine was called a no-frills hard-earned title of which I picked up during the life of the world.

“Vandi …..”

And I’m handed a book that big. Perhaps this is a charity which contains my whole life in the mortal world and temporary. What makes me pleased is I received the book with my right hand. I guess this means my good deeds more than the bad deeds. Bad charity? Oh, do not I almost never make a mistake? Of course, my heaven will enter.

But when opened the book, my face pale instantly. It turned out that my reward is only slightly by my sin. How is this possible? Or is there any calculation? I want to see what my sins up to that much. I open the book with haste.

All I can just writing pompous, arrogant, conceited, and arrogant. Whether I’m always proud when living in the world? Is this so?

I’m ashamed to admit. Yes, I was arrogant in worship.

I pray in the mosque just to get respect for my neighbors. I walked in the cold dawn with a half-expecting a neighbor who parted the curtains their windows and saw how diligent I was to the mosque. I kneel for long, but I think only people who were staring at me with awe. I read the verses of the Koran as a priest with a very beautiful and long-term, not to my worship to God, but to take the hearts of the congregation that I deserve to be their priest. I do a lot of charity for orphans in the orphanage in the presence of distinguished guests to make me known philanthropist. But when I stayed coins by the singers in my windshield, I became very stingy person, turned away to ignore. I stand to get used to fasting Sunnah as much as possible. There’s nothing I can get other than hunger, thirst, and the degree that I am a pious man of the people around me. I Fauzi said vehemently in front of the mirror in my room, trained myself so that I appear not to disappoint in front of the pilgrims who I later heard him. I’m just looking for attention rather than expecting the pleasure of Allah.

I sank down people realize that I am very riya. I go to her next sheet and so on it, just writing a scratched riya. Yet suddenly appear arrogant words. Then the hypocrite and miser.

Am I arrogant? I will not deny because everything is written in this book are true.

I am the person who is very proud with my greatness as a pious man. I am a pious person in the eyes of my neighbors but it did not change the despicable creature in the presence of God that all his master. I was very hypocritical. I’m lying, bad faith, and betrayal. Kuceramahi worshipers at the mosque while I convey what I never do alone. I am a person who knowingly. My wage hostilities with other Islamic leaders. I throw the words heresy and I do not know if its true that it is considered heresy.

I am also one who is very stingy. I’m too tired to beggars unless there are acquaintances who happened to see me, if it were so inevitably I had to give for the generous view.

It turned my life dirty, covered with sins. My heart black and hard like the stones of the mountain. My devotion is low, and I’m no better than a musician trash. My prayers prayed forgiveness even though I knew it was too late. God will not hear me anymore.

Suddenly my name once again called and I had to pass through the bridge’s hair. The bridge is very long stretches. When I was preparing to move, the bridge of hair that seemed as wide as one meter when my eyes reported that the bridge was barely visible because of thinness. I’m relieved, it would not be difficult if its one meter wide. I walk with confidence and half ashamed of my sins. The wind was hot and suffocating hell of a haughty chest blow, makes me wiggle. The longer I walked the bridge narrowed and eventually only the width of one inch. I was so scared and tense. I have tried to maintain a balance for each step while under my hell volatile. Suddenly I slipped and fell. But I managed to hold a bridge hand is increasingly thin. So I hung pathetic.

Bridge was getting thinner and thinner slice my hand. I’m in pain and yelling for help even though I realize no one can help me now. The ends of my legs was almost blistered by the fires of hell. Its end I took off my grip and I fell, it felt how hot the fires of hell licking my body.

Suddenly I woke up and felt my face was wet and cold. A pair of hands holding my nose and patted my cheek. When I squinted, someone was getting ready to put balm on my nose.

“Istighfar, Vandi, seek forgiveness …” he said.

Apparently many of them gathered around me. They whispered very noisy. I just remembered when I was in law schools participated lightning in a Madrasah as a provider of materials for participants / students.

I’m a nightmare.

“Dream what life really cried everything? “Asked Anggit, my friend who accompanied the invitation.

“Out of his sleep does not read a prayer …” another half-whispered answer.

What dream? Ya Allah, what a painful way thy will remind me my sins. My sins, Ya Allah, our sins are really very dirty and polluted. Forgive thy servant, that his soul stained with the sins that had been disguised contempt. I expect the pleasure of Thy heaven I crave thee, Ya Allah.

I really regret, how I despised human being than my friends around me this. I do not deserve to be near them even calling them names I do not even deserve. I could feel my body shaking as if my body refuses to wrap my soul is rotten. Tears began to melt at the tip of my eyes and I wept bitterly regret all of it.


About Vandi Al-faqir

saya adalah seorang suami yang sedang meniti karir untuk bisa memberi ekonomi yang cukup buat keluarga saya kelak...
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